Updated: May 15
Based on what we live day to day, second to second, when it comes to our lives, we have to enjoy and be empathetic to ourselves and others to continue with our lives and help others every second that we can. Every choice that we decide to make affects us and those around us.
I woke up this morning at 5 am, then at 7 am, and I was looking out the window; I took a picture right after my 1st virtual class today of my 2nd Master's degree.
( I don't have the picture to show, but in my head, all I could see was the picture you see here. I was able to remember my favorite place and re-live it any time I needed to.)
I told myself
"You will continue and have faith because this will pass ." I have learned to love and live with every part of me and learn thru any circumstance that I face with happiness and contentment and overall a great sense of humor.
Then I thought of a lady that sent me my 1st comment on my first blog. She said, "thank you for speaking for those that can’t speak for themselves," and I thought of all the girls at the lockup unit at the YMCA that would give anything to have; minimum a view like this one.
Even though it was a place that I had visited, and I knew that when I would come out of isolation, I would have the opportunity to go and revisit,"; I said,” get up, shower and make the bed. I can’t leave the room. I cannot walk out of the room. Dr.s comes 2 times a day to check the temperature, and food gets dropped off at the door 3 times a day; this is a covid19 facility.
However, I still have a semi-routine. I change it up and keep busy, listening to music and always smiling.
Being alone in a room after 15 days allows your mind to start thinking about everything. When I was young, thoughts from childhood to pre-teen came to my mind.
I remembered when I would get beatings almost every day and how the bruises and the scars felt and how I had to hide it under clothes so no one would notice, or how I had to place my hands on my mouth so no one would hear my cry; while my heart pounded so hard, I could hear the beat of my heart rate thru my ears.
But all that I have endured in my life has made me beautifully see life. I have learned so much, and I have decided to make life a solution or a lesson. Never a victim!
Someone said to me in a very sarcastic way when I tried explaining all I felt, “pain means your alive.” He was wrong! But we have to take everything in our lives and use it to motivate us to continue going forward.
To me, pain is not the source of living. I have learned that to change a life; I had to switch from surviving to winning, I had to change the way I spoke, I had to share my story not to wallow on the past but to show that if I was able to make it, so can you!
To those who have been beaten to the point of falling asleep because there’s nothing more your body can resist, a tired feeling, a feeling of exhaustion, something that only people that have gotten beaten to this level can understand. You know what I speak of...
I felt so many times that life wasn’t worth living, I felt alone, but something deep, deep inside me said: “This will pass.” Let me explain; my beatings were from (“belt buckle, belts, stepped on, stomped, feeling my head make a crunching sound like eating rice crispies while my head was on the floor, hands being burned, smacked to the point blood would splatter, having bruises that hurt when I walked”) but I always said "all this will pass"
I would say to myself, “one day, I will have a family, kids, and a husband, and I will make sure I do not treat them like this.”
I always saw life differently, and I decided to change all of my experiences into something positive.
To help others that might not have any hope. It took me years of studying to change my mind and my way of thinking and learn to speak and write the way I do today.
I’m still learning, and every day I choose to learn more and more to gain complete peace so I can share with anyone I may encounter. I can say that today, even with all that I have learned in life, it is better than yesterday, and tomorrow will be even better than today.
I will strive to fight every day for those that might not have the courage to do so.