A lot of people talk about the good times. When we look at social media, we hardly ever hear a motivational speaker talk about a time when he or she had a blowout with a loved one or someone that at that moment they detested. We don't hear a doctor talk about how he or she won't go and get treated for a condition that is affecting there health. We look at professionals as perfect pieces in this world. We see a model with a perfect figure and we assume that she or he has it all together but when the camaras are off and no one is watching they feel and emptiness that nothing can fill, or they might suffer from a deep depression or dissatisfaction with themselves. We see people with money with broken homes and unstable relationships. We see people that are religious with broken relationships and broken thoughts.
We look at social media and the majority of the things that we see are presumed to be perfect. Today there are apps for everything. If you need a tummy tuck or your skin smoothed or you need something bigger or smaller, there is an app for that too and there is nothing wrong with that; as long as you understand that what is presented is far from reality.
The truth is that people that are doctors get sick, that engineers and designers might suffer from OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) and others suffer from addictions and others just have situations like you and me. Artists that you see on Television suffer from addictions and depression and therapist like me also has moments where I'm eating 1/2 quart of ice cream to indulge after a day of many lessons.
Why is this tittle called blowout? the definition is the reason why I decided to write about this.
Blowout - a sudden rupture or malfunction of a part or an apparatus due to pressure, in particular the bursting of an automobile tire.
Why do blowouts happen? Many reasons; but the most common one is fear. Pressure at times is a big trigger to have a blowout. The pressure of bills, debts, finances, mental unresolved issues, toxic relationships, past things that have not been closed, deaths, family matters, break ups, heartbreaks etc.
The malfunction of communication in relationships, let it be in a romantic way or in a family setting, all of these things and more cause blowouts. We escalate from 1 to 100 because we loose focus on the matter at hand. We have forgotten to breath and listen to the other person. We have forgotten to understand that we are not a notification in our cell phones and that we are not a "hello google" app that we respond immediately in the way that we want to be responded.
When we have a blowout, many things come into effect. Many times the other person has a certain way that they speak that we do not understand and this lack of understanding the people around us; because of lack of communication, has us escalate into a discussion that in a matter of seconds burst just like a pipe into a blowout of yelling and saying things that in seconds once spoken, is regrated. But once said, it's too late to be taken back.
Being yelled frequently has the power to change our brain, neuronal pathways and increased activity of a structure called the amygdala, which is responsible for our emotional responses. What is the fear of being yelled at? The fear of being yelled is known as phonophobia, ligyrophobia or sonophobia. This is the aversion to loud noises or sounds.
Here are the psychological effects of being yelled at:
Yelling has been associated with mental illnesses, where studies have shown a connection between verbal abuse and depression or anxiety.
As a therapist I am not perfect I have had times where it has taken me more than a few seconds to de-escalate, cry and breath and catch myself before conversations especially with your children even as grown men or daughters sometimes doesn't go the way you expect.
Many times the communication techniques are different, between all of us as humans. What we need to do is learn what communication skills to use with other generations and learn from these lessons. As human beings we are given another second to reconcile, accept our flaws and apologize, and forgive and continue going.
Remember that life is just that..."LIFE" something that is alive. Visualize it as a living thing that needs water, nurture, time and getting to know it in order to grow properly.
Don't waste your time hating or holding grudges on past things that only weigh down your spirit. Its such a great feeling to sleep at night with a clear mind once you have learned to clear your soul and you have learned to love yourself and others just the way we are.
The beauty of being human is that we have the ability to do anything we set our minds to do, the power and the decision of everything in your life is in your hands. What you do is your choice! Not Anyone else's!